Je propose de rassembler ici les détournements humoristiques divers concernant BSG trouvés sur le net. N'oubliez pas la source si vous trouvez quelque chose !
From les forums de TWoP, ceci n'est qu'un pot-pourri.
Not allowed to spell Colonel Tigh's name "T-G-H" and claim "the Cylons took the I," as it is cruel and not remotely funny.
* Okay, so it's hilarious. It's still cruel.
Only allowed to add "in accordance with the prophesy" to the ends of my sentences if given specific permission to do so by President Roslin.
* President Roslin did not give me permission to do so.
Not allowed to lock Major Adama and Captain Thrace in a supply closet in the hope that sex will take place.
* Even if it does.
* Not allowed to lock Major Adama and Samuel Anders in a supply closet in the hope that sex will take place.
* Even if it does.
* Not allowed to lock Captain Agathon and Chief Tyrol in a supply closet in the hope that sex will take place.
* Even if it does.
* Not allowed to lock anyone in a supply closet, for any reason.
* Or tape the results.
* No, not even if it would be great for morale.
There is no such thing as "recreational gun use."
* No, not even if Captain Thrace did it first.
* Oh my gods, especially not if Admiral Cain did it first.
* Not allowed to mention Admiral Cain. Ever.
Not allowed to hand slices of bread to Lt. Agathon and ask her to "do me a quick favor."
Not allowed to play strip Triad.
* No, not even if Captain Agathon doesn't know when to fold.
No, I may not keep it as a pet.
* Yes, Boxey counts.
Not allowed to mutiny.
* No, not even if President Roslin did it first.
Not allowed to see how long I can stand in Col. Tigh's blind spot before he notices me.
Not allowed to make disparaging remarks upon the subject of Maj. Adama's posterior.
*Especially not if they are predicated on the statement "Well, I heard from Mrs. Tigh..."
Not allowed to ask Tom Zarek if I can help him put the Vice in his Presidency.
* or to ask him if President Roslin already did.
Am not allowed to spread scandalous rumors about the president and the chief of staff.
*Including Pres. Roslin and Ms. Foster.
*Including Pres. Baltar and Lt. Gaeta.
*Pres. Roslin and Billy were so much less scandalous.
When visiting Colonial One, being granted "permission to come aboard" is not an invitation to throw Tory Foster to the ground and make mad passionate love to her.
* Or to President Roslin.
* Or to Vice President Zarek.
* Or to any combination thereof.
Admiral Adama never killed a man on Picon just to watch him die.
* As far as I know.
* Neither did President Roslin.
Am not allowed to hide in air ducts and play bagpipes when Admiral Adama talks to Lee.
*Not even if I include poundy drums
*especially if I include poundy drums
*further instances of this will result in the immediate confiscation of my poundy drums.
Not allowed to "air guitar" while on duty.
*Or "air drum".
*Or "air keyboard".
*Or "air glockenspiel".
No longer allowed to record appointments between the Admiral and the President as “Senior Sexcapades” in the official logbook
*Even if both Tory and Tigh nodded knowingly and Captain Thrace got the giggles.
*If they are recorded as such, clarification regarding the invite must be made. The Vice President showed up and seemed so hopeful last time. It was heartbreaking.
*I can no longer create airlock graffiti of the last incident.
*Especially when President Roslin is standing near the red button.
Despite that incident in the hallway, the CAG is no longer to be referred to as “Major Frodo.”
*I may also not refer to Cottle as “Doc Gandalf.”
*Gaeta is NOT an elf.
No, we are not there yet.
* I will not ask again.
* Ever.
No longer allowed to start rousing, hands-in-the-air, group chants of “Air-LOCK! Air-LOCK!” when Roslin gets pissed at Baltar.
*Starting the above chant when Roslin and Adama are having a fight will only earn me some hurt later.
*As will calling the above fight a “lovers' quarrel.”
Not allowed to ask what happened to all the black market orphans.
*Or if I have to return mine.
I will not ask the Cylons what version of Windows they're running.
*The Cylons are most definitely not Macs.
Even if Adama's glare is capable of starting fires, it is still not an acceptable method of roasting marshmallows.
I am no longer to explain my irrational behavior with references to a mystical podcast.
*I do not hear the voice of God through a mystical podcast.
*I am no longer to insist that the President precedes any prophesies she receives from the gods by making air quotes and stating “spoiler.”
I now realize that refitting the airlock so that it could be operated by “the Clapper: Clap on! Clap off!” even though it was for the convenience of the President, was an error.
*Especially before her last speech.
*I would like, however, to point out that if Admiral would just clap a bit more frakin' quickly, the airlock would have “Clapped off” a millisecond after it “Clapped on.”
*Yes, I do realize that the Admiral is permitted to “bust out his signature move” whenever he frakin' well pleases.
I am not allowed to suggest that the top brass and upper echelons of the government put on a musical to boost morale.
* Specifically not a musical about a powerful man who is used to having everything done his way and the feisty schoolteacher who comes into his life and quickly becomes a political power.
* Especially not if the powerful man and feisty schoolteacher dance a sexually charged polka.
